“Hey” is probably the most boring opening message you could ever send anyone, let alone a potential romantic interest.
Your opening text sets the tone for everything that follows, so why start with something that screams, “I couldn’t be bothered to think of anything interesting”? Obviously, you don’t want to dive into some deep conversation before you’ve even said hello, but if you want to stand out and make an impression, you’ll have to put a bit of effort in.
1. Reference something specific from their profile or photos.
Mentioning their hiking photo, book recommendation, or unusual hobby shows you actually looked at their profile instead of just swiping based on their face. This immediately separates you from the dozens of generic messages they get daily.
Try something like, “That trail in your photo looks amazing. Is that the one near the coast?” or “I saw you’re reading [book title], what did you think of the ending?” This creates instant common ground and gives them something concrete to respond to.
2. Ask a fun hypothetical question that reveals personality.
Hypothetical scenarios are conversation gold because they’re fun to think about and reveal how someone’s mind works. They’re way more engaging than asking about someone’s weekend plans for the hundredth time.
Start with something like “If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would you pick and what would you ask them?” or “You’re planning the perfect day off. What’s the first thing you do?” These create instant engagement and show your creative side.
3. Share an observation about something happening right now.
Commenting on current weather, events, or situations creates immediate relevance and shows you’re thinking about the message in real time rather than copy-pasting the same opener to everyone.
Messages like “This rain is perfect for staying in with a good book. What’s your current read?” or “The sunset tonight was incredible, did you catch it?” feel natural and give them an easy way to join the conversation.
4. Make a playful challenge or dare.
Light challenges tap into people’s competitive side and create instant interaction. They’re flirty without being inappropriate and give both of you something fun to engage with immediately.
Try “I bet I can guess your coffee order in three tries” or “Challenge accepted: convince me why [something from their profile] is actually the best choice.” This creates a mini-game within your conversation that’s way more fun than small talk.
5. Ask for their expert opinion on something.
Everyone loves feeling like an expert, and asking for advice or opinions makes people feel valued and important. This approach works especially well when you reference skills or interests from their profile.
Send something like “You look like someone who knows good restaurants. Where should I take my visiting parents?” or “I’m terrible at choosing houseplants. Any recommendations for someone who travels a lot?” This positions them as the knowledgeable one and gives you a reason to continue the conversation.
6. Share something mildly embarrassing or self-deprecating.
Vulnerability creates instant connection, and admitting minor flaws or embarrassing moments makes you seem more human and approachable. Just keep it light rather than trauma-dumping in your first message.
Open with, “I just spent ten minutes looking for my glasses while wearing them. Please tell me you’ve done something equally brilliant recently” or “I attempted to cook something fancy tonight and ordered pizza instead. What’s your go-to cooking disaster story?”
7. Reference a shared experience or cultural moment.
Bonding over shared experiences, whether it’s a TV show, recent news event, or seasonal activity, creates instant connection and gives you plenty to talk about right away.
Try something like, “Did you watch [recent show/movie]? I need someone to discuss that ending with” or “I can’t be the only one who’s already thinking about Christmas shopping in October. Please tell me you’re equally neurotic about planning ahead.”
8. Ask about their current mood or energy.
Checking in on someone’s current state shows genuine interest in them as a person, rather than just trying to get a response. It’s more personal than asking about their day, but not invasive.
Start with, “You look like you’re having a good day in your photos. What’s got you smiling?” or “Are you more in an adventurous mood or a chill at home mood today?” This gives them permission to share their actual state rather than giving polite small talk responses.
9. Make an unexpected compliment about something non-physical.
Complimenting something other than their appearance shows you’re paying attention to who they are rather than just what they look like. It’s refreshing and makes them feel seen for their personality or choices.
Message something like, “Your playlist choices are impeccable. You’ve got great taste in music” or “I love that you volunteer at the animal shelter. That’s genuinely amazing.” This shows you value character over just physical attraction.
10. Create urgency with a time-sensitive question.
Questions that need immediate answers or relate to current timing create natural urgency that encourages quick responses. They feel more important than messages that could be answered anytime.
Try, “Quick decision needed: tacos or pizza for dinner? I’m ordering in five minutes and could use expert input” or “I’m about to start a new series. Should I go with comedy or thriller based on your expertise?” This makes responding feel more pressing and interactive.
11. Share something you just learned or discovered.
Sharing interesting information positions you as someone who’s curious and engaged with the world. It gives them something new to think about and creates natural conversation flow.
Open with, “I just learned that octopuses have three hearts. What’s the most random fact you know?” or “Apparently there’s a secret speakeasy behind that coffee shop downtown. Have you discovered any hidden gems lately?” This shows you’re actively exploring and learning.
12. Ask about their weekend plans in a creative way.
Everyone asks about weekend plans, but you can make this tired question more engaging by asking it differently or adding your own spin to make it more interesting and personal.
Instead of “Any weekend plans?” try, “Scale of one to ten, how adventurous are your weekend plans? I’m sitting at about a six and could use inspiration” or “Weekend forecast: productivity or chaos? I’m leaning heavily toward chaos and regret.”
13. Reference something that just happened to you.
Sharing recent experiences makes your message feel authentic and spontaneous rather than calculated. It gives them insight into your daily life and creates opportunities for them to share similar experiences.
Start with, “I just watched someone put pineapple on pizza, and I’m having an existential crisis. Please restore my faith in humanity” or “My neighbour’s dog just stole my sandwich and I can’t even be mad about it. What’s the most ridiculous thing an animal has done to you?”
14. Ask them to settle a debate or make a choice.
Making them the tiebreaker in a decision makes them feel important and creates instant engagement. Everyone loves being the deciding vote, especially on fun, low-stakes topics.
Try something along the lines of, “Urgent debate with my friend: is cereal soup? I need an objective third party to settle this” or “Help me choose: beach holiday or mountain cabin? I trust your judgement more than my own right now.”
15. Comment on perfect timing.
Acknowledging good timing makes your message feel serendipitous rather than calculated. It suggests you’re reaching out because the moment felt right, rather than because you’re systematically messaging everyone.
Open with, “Perfect timing—I just finished binge-watching that show you mentioned and need someone to discuss it with” or “I was just thinking about trying that restaurant in your photo. Is it as good as it looks?”
16. Ask for help with a minor decision.
Asking for small favours or input makes people feel useful and important. It’s a psychological trick that actually makes them like you more because they’re investing effort in helping you.
Message “Crisis of choice: should I order Thai food or attempt to cook something myself? My kitchen skills are questionable at best” or “I’m at the bookshop and overwhelmed by options. Any recommendations for someone who loved [book/genre they mentioned]?”
