Being cool is overrated, but that doesn’t stop most of us from striving to achieve it at some point.
There’s this thing where we assume someone who’s charming and fun must also be decent underneath, but the truth is that charisma doesn’t equal kindness, and some of the most magnetic people are actually pretty rubbish at treating everyone around them well. Here’s why it’s time to stop assuming that just because someone’s popular, that they’re actually worth knowing.
They’re brilliant at first impressions.
Cool people know how to work a room and make you feel like you’re the only person who matters. They’ve got the jokes, the confidence, and that energy that makes everyone want to be around them.
The trouble starts when you realise that sparkle is often just performance. Once they’ve won you over, the attention disappears, and you’re left wondering what changed. It wasn’t real connection, just someone good at making people like them.
Their stories always make them the hero.
Listen to how cool people tell stories, and you’ll notice they’re always the clever one, the funny one, or the victim of someone else’s stupidity. Every tale is shaped so they come out looking good.
When someone never takes responsibility in their own narratives, that’s worth noticing. Good people can laugh at themselves and admit when they’ve messed up. Cool people rewrite history so they’re always justified and always right.
They often collect people like accessories.
You’ll see them surrounded by loads of mates, but watch how they actually treat those people. Often they’re just collecting interesting personalities to make themselves look more interesting, not building real friendships.
If you’re only hearing from them when they need something or want to show you off, that’s not friendship. Real mates check in when nothing’s happening, not just when you’re useful to them.
Rules don’t seem to apply to them.
There’s this attitude that they’re somehow above normal expectations because they’re special or different. They’ll turn up late, bail on plans, or break promises, but somehow make it seem charming rather than disrespectful.
Consistently disregarding other people’s time and feelings isn’t cool, it’s selfish. Being interesting doesn’t give you a pass on basic consideration. If someone’s making you feel uptight for expecting them to keep their word, they’re the problem.
They’re competitive about everything.
Cool people often can’t just let you have your moment without making it about them. You share good news, and suddenly, they’re telling you about their bigger achievement, or subtly pointing out how yours isn’t that impressive.
Secure people can celebrate your wins without feeling threatened. If someone’s always trying to one up you or diminish what you’re proud of, that’s insecurity dressed up as confidence, not actual coolness.
Their opinions always matter most.
In any group discussion, they’ve somehow positioned themselves as the authority on whatever’s being talked about. Even when they clearly don’t know much, they’ll speak with total confidence and expect everyone to defer to their view.
Actually cool people know they don’t have all the answers, and they’re interested in what other people think. When someone can’t handle being wrong or challenged, that’s fragility hiding behind swagger, not genuine confidence.
They remember slights but forget kindness.
They’ll bring up something minor you did months ago that bothered them, holding onto grudges like collectibles. But all the times you’ve been there for them or gone out of your way just gets forgotten.
Good people notice when you’ve been kind, and they try to return that energy. If you’re always making up for past mistakes while your own efforts go unacknowledged, the relationship’s completely one-sided.
Their honesty is just cruelty rebranded.
They’ll say brutal things and then claim they’re just being real, as if honesty requires being harsh. But there’s a massive difference between being genuine and being mean, and they’re using it as an excuse.
You can be honest and still be kind about it. When someone prides themselves on telling hard truths but never seems to have anything nice to say, they’re not brave, they’re just rude dressed up as authentic.
They’re only around when life’s easy.
When everything’s going well, and you’re fun to be around, they’re always there. But the moment you’re struggling or need actual support, they’ve suddenly got other plans, or they go completely quiet.
Real relationships involve showing up when it’s not convenient or entertaining. If someone disappears every time you’re not at your best, they don’t actually care about you as a person, just what you add to their life.
Everything’s a transaction with them.
They keep mental tabs on every favour, every compliment, every time they’ve helped you out. Nothing’s ever given freely because they’re always calculating what they’ll get back from you later on.
Generous people don’t keep score because they’re helping because they want to, not because they’re building credit. If you feel constantly in debt to someone for their friendship, that’s manipulation, not genuine connection.
They make you doubt yourself constantly.
After spending time with them, you often feel a bit rubbish about yourself, even though nothing specifically bad happened. They’ve got this way of making little comments that sound like jokes but leave you feeling insecure.
This is what subtle undermining looks like when it’s done by someone charming. They keep you off balance so you’re always trying to impress them. Healthy friendships make you feel good about yourself, not constantly worried.
Their problems always take priority.
When they’re going through something, everyone needs to drop everything and rally around them. But when you need support, suddenly your problems aren’t that serious, or they’ve got too much going on to help you.
Equal relationships involve mutual support, not one person always being the crisis and the other always being the helper. If you’re always listening but never heard, you’ve become their unpaid therapist, not their friend.
They never actually apologise properly.
When they’ve clearly done something wrong, you’ll get a non apology like sorry you feel that way or sorry, but you also did this thing. They’ll twist it so somehow you end up apologising to them instead.
A real apology is simple and doesn’t come with justifications or counter-accusations. When someone can’t take responsibility without making themselves the victim, they’re showing you they value being right over being decent to you.
