Not everyone figures out “adulting” at the same pace, no matter how old they are.
Some people can run a meeting but forget to pay a bill; others can manage a household but fall apart over a phone call to the dentist. It’s easy to label that as immaturity or lack of common sense, but for many people, it’s deeper than that, and their lives are a whole lot harder because of it.
The skills that make adulthood manageable, such as planning, regulating emotions, and handling pressure, don’t just magically manifest with age, unfortunately, In fact, if you grew up without stability, guidance, or the right kind of support, adulthood can feel like a game you were never taught how to play. For those who struggle, these are some of the reasons behind it (and what you can do about it).
They never learned basic life skills growing up.
If no one showed you how to manage money, cook a meal, or sort out admin, you’re basically starting from scratch as an adult. That’s not laziness, really; it’s just a gap that no one filled when you were younger.
The good news is these things can be learned at any age, and you don’t need to feel behind. Start small with one skill at a time, and give yourself permission not to know things you were never taught.
They’re dealing with undiagnosed ADHD or executive dysfunction.
When your brain doesn’t naturally organise tasks or manage time well, even simple things like paying a bill on time can feel genuinely overwhelming. It’s not about trying harder, it’s literally about how your brain’s wired differently.
If this sounds familiar, it’s worth talking to a doctor about what’s going on. Understanding the actual issue can open up strategies that work with your brain instead of constantly fighting against it.
They’re overwhelmed by decision fatigue.
When every small choice feels massive and important, you end up frozen or just avoiding things altogether. That’s your brain completely overloaded, not you being deliberately difficult or indecisive about everything.
Try removing some decisions where you can to lighten the load. Things like meal planning, basic routines, or just having a default option for boring stuff genuinely helps free up mental space.
They grew up in chaotic or unstable environments.
If your childhood was unpredictable, stressful, or constantly changing, you might not have had the chance to develop a sense of structure or calm. That kind of thing doesn’t just magically disappear the day you turn 18.
Building routines now can feel really strange at first, but they help create the stability you didn’t have before. Be patient with yourself while you’re figuring out what actually works for you.
They’re carrying unprocessed trauma or anxiety.
Trauma and anxiety don’t just sit quietly in the background without affecting anything. They can make everyday tasks feel genuinely dangerous or impossible, even when logically you know they’re completely safe.
Therapy or support groups can help you work through what’s actually underneath all this. You’re not broken or damaged, you’re just dealing with something really heavy that needs proper attention.
They lack consistent role models for responsibility.
If the adults around you didn’t model things like keeping appointments, managing stress, or staying organised, you’re basically learning all this through trial and error now. That’s exhausting and takes way longer than if someone had just shown you.
Find people or resources that show you what healthy adulting actually looks like in practice. Books, podcasts, or just mates who’ve got their act together can help fill that gap you’re dealing with.
They’re stuck in survival mode from financial stress.
When you’re constantly worrying about making rent or paying bills, your brain genuinely doesn’t have space left for things like meal prep or long-term planning. You’re just trying to get through today without everything falling apart.
This isn’t a personal failing or a character flaw, it’s literally what poverty does to people’s capacity. If you can access any support services or benefits you’re entitled to, take them without shame.
They struggle with perfectionism and fear of failure.
If you’re so scared of doing something wrong that you don’t do it at all, you’re not being lazy. You’re stuck in this loop where nothing feels safe enough to attempt without guaranteeing it’ll go perfectly.
Try thinking of tasks as experiments rather than tests you can fail. Done badly is still done, and you’ll genuinely learn more from trying and messing up than from avoiding it entirely.
They have chronic illness or invisible disabilities.
Living with constant pain, fatigue, or other symptoms takes energy that most people don’t realise you’re even using. What looks simple and straightforward to other people might genuinely wipe you out for the rest of the day.
Pace yourself properly and don’t compare your capacity to someone who isn’t dealing with what you are. Adjusting expectations isn’t giving up or being lazy, it’s just being realistic about your actual limits.
They’re dealing with depression that saps all motivation.
Depression doesn’t just make you sad or a bit down, it makes absolutely everything feel pointless and exhausting. Some days, getting out of bed is genuinely the hardest thing you’ll do all day, but even that’s an accomplishment, and that’s okay.
If this is where you’re at right now, talking to someone who understands mental health can really help. Small steps absolutely count, and some days just surviving is honestly enough.
They never developed a sense of time management.
Some people genuinely don’t have an internal clock or natural sense of how long things actually take. That makes planning ahead or showing up on time really difficult, not careless or disrespectful.
Timers, alarms, and visual schedules can help bridge that gap in your brain. External tools can do what your mind struggles with naturally, and that’s completely fine.
They’re scared of asking for help or admitting they’re struggling.
If you’ve been shamed or dismissed before when you asked for help, doing it again feels genuinely risky. So, you just keep silently struggling on your own, hoping no one notices how lost you actually feel. Unfortunately, that inevitably just makes you feel worse.
Most people are way more understanding than you think they’ll be. Start with just one person you trust, or even an anonymous forum, just to break the silence you’ve been keeping.
They lack access to resources or support systems.
Not everyone has family to fall back on, spare money for therapy, or friends who can help them move house or cover emergencies. Without that safety net underneath you, absolutely everything becomes harder.
Look for community resources, online groups, or local charities that might offer the support you need. You don’t have to do everything alone, just because you’ve always had to before now.
They’re burned out from trying too hard for too long.
If you’ve been pushing through exhaustion for months or even years, eventually your brain and body just stop cooperating with you. That’s burnout, and it’s a real physical limit, not something you can just power through.
Recovery takes proper time and usually means saying no to things for a while. Rest isn’t optional when you’ve actually hit this point, it’s genuinely the only way forward that works.
