Things Your Therapist Won’t Say to Your Face (But Wishes They Could)
Unsplash Therapists are trained to be professional, compassionate, and non-judgmental. They create a safe space for you to explore your deepest fears and strongest desires. But let’s be real – they’re still human. And sometimes, there are things they wish they could say to snap you out of your self-sabotaging cycles. If your therapist could ditch the diplomacy and give it to you straight, here’s what they might say.
1. You need to put in more effort outside of sessions.
Source: Unsplash Therapy isn’t a magic fix, PsychCentral points out. You can’t just word-vomit for an hour a week and expect your life to change. The real work happens between sessions, when you’re putting in the effort to break patterns and build skills. If you’re not doing the homework or pushing yourself to apply what you’re learning, you’re wasting your time and money. Your therapist can guide you, but they can’t do the heavy lifting for you.
2. Be fully honest, or this won’t work.
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You’re glossing over details, minimizing problems, or straight up lying. Maybe you’re embarrassed, ashamed, or just not ready to face certain truths. But therapy only works if you’re transparent. Your therapist isn’t there to judge you; they’ve heard it all before. Keeping secrets or presenting a curated version of yourself sabotages the process. You’re not fooling anyone except yourself. Get real or get out.
3. At some point, you have to take responsibility.
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It’s easy to blame everyone else for your problems – your parents, your boss, society. And sure, they’ve all played a role. But at some point, you’ve got to own your choices and actions. If you’re always painting yourself as the victim of circumstance, you’ll stay stuck. Your therapist wants you to step up and take charge of your life. The buck stops with you, buttercup.
4. You have to respect the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship.
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You’re texting your therapist at 2.am. Expecting them to meet you for coffee. Prying into their personal life. Pushing for longer sessions or special treatment. Whoa there, buddy. Your therapist is not your bestie. This is a professional relationship with clear limits. Respect their time, space, and privacy. If you’re looking for 24/7 emotional support, get a dog. Let your therapist do their job without the added drama.
5. Stop sabotaging your own progress.
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For every step forward, you take two leaps back. Your therapist helps you identify a self-destructive pattern, and you promptly go out and repeat it. You’re subconsciously clinging to the familiarity of dysfunction. Growth is uncomfortable, so you keep retreating to your default settings. But you’ll never create positive change if you keep undermining your own progress. Get out of your own way and let yourself evolve already.
6. You have to be realistic about what therapy can achieve.
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You want a total personality overhaul by next Tuesday. You expect to never feel sad or anxious or triggered again. Let’s get real – it’s therapy, not wizardry. Change is a slow, non-linear process. There’s no finish line or perfection to achieve. You’re setting yourself up for frustration and failure with those pie-in-the-sky assumptions. Embrace the journey and celebrate small victories along the way.
7. Give yourself credit for how far you’ve come.
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Speaking of small victories, you’ve had plenty – but you’re downplaying them. You’re so fixated on the end goal that you’re missing the milestones. Remember where you started and how far you’ve come. Give yourself props for showing up and doing the work. Your therapist is proud of you even if you’re not patting yourself on the back. Take a minute to acknowledge your growth, even if you’re not where you want to be yet.
8. If this approach isn’t working, let’s try something else.
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Not all therapy is created equal, Healthline explains. Different approaches work for different issues and personalities. If you’ve been spinning your wheels for months or years with little to show for it, you might be barking up the wrong therapeutic tree. Your therapist should be willing to adjust their methods or refer you to someone who’s a better fit. Don’t keep banging your head against a wall that isn’t budging.
9. The present moment is where your power lies.
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You’re rehashing the same old stories from your past or catastrophizing about the future. Meanwhile, your present life is passing you by. Newsflash: you can’t change what’s already happened, and worrying about what might happen won’t stop it. Your power is in the here and now. Your therapist wants you to ground yourself in the moment and take action where you can. Save the time travel for sci-fi flicks.
10. Please be kinder to yourself.
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You’re your own harshest critic, holding yourself to impossible standards then beating yourself up when you fall short. That’s not motivation, it’s masochism. Would you talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself? Didn’t think so. Your therapist wants you to cut yourself some slack. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d extend to others. A little self-love goes a long way.
11. It’s time to set some healthy boundaries.
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You’re a people-pleasing doormat, letting others walk all over you. You’re afraid to say no or rock the boat. But constantly sacrificing your own needs breeds resentment. Your therapist wants you to find your voice and assert yourself. Start setting some limits, even if it feels scary. You teach people how to treat you. Demand the respect you deserve, from others and yourself.
12. Self-care isn’t optional, it’s essential.
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You’re burning the candle at both ends, skimping on sleep, surviving on junk food, skipping workouts. Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s survival. You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you want to show up fully in your life and relationships, you’ve got to prioritize your own well-being. Your therapist wants you to put on your own oxygen mask first. Nourish your body, mind, and soul with the care they need to thrive.
13. Insight alone won’t create change.
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You’re wallowing in analysis paralysis, waiting for something to change instead of making change. You want the benefits of growth without the discomfort of doing things differently. But insight without action is just mental masturbation. Your therapist wants you to take the reins and start making moves, even if they’re baby steps. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
14. Breakthroughs don’t happen overnight.
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You’re expecting a quick fix, an instant “aha” moment that will magically dissolve your issues. But breakthroughs are often the result of many incremental shifts over time. You didn’t get here overnight, and you won’t get out overnight either. Your therapist wants you to trust the journey and keep showing up, even when it feels like you’re not making progress. Sustainable change is a marathon, not a sprint.
15. You’re stronger than you realize.
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You’re a total badass for facing your demons head-on. It takes serious guts to peel back the layers and confront your pain. Your therapist sees your strength, even when you feel weak. They know how much courage it takes just to walk through their door. So here’s the truth bomb they wish they could drop: you’re already whole. You’re not broken or damaged goods. You’re a work in progress, just like everyone else. Keep showing up for yourself. Keep fighting for the life you deserve. And know that your therapist is in your corner, cheering you on every step of the way.
