If you want to build good relationships with people, from colleagues to friends to romantic partners, you need to know how to connect with them.
It’s what helps you read the room, understand how your words come across, and respond in a way that makes people feel understood rather than dismissed. The trouble is, not everyone realises when they’re lacking it. Sometimes it shows up in the things people say without thinking, and that’s no good.
If these lines sneak into your conversations, they’re probably not doing your relationships any favours. The good news is, once you notice them, you can change how you communicate and make a huge difference in how people respond to you.
1. “That’s just how I am, deal with it.”
If you’re using this line, you’re basically saying you don’t give a damn about how your actions affect others. It’s lazy. It’s saying, “I can’t be bothered to work on my flaws.” Everyone has stuff they need to work on, and using your personality as an excuse for being a jerk is a cop-out. It’s not about changing who you are; it’s about being considerate and not using your personality as an excuse for bad behaviour.
2. “I don’t care how you feel.”
This one is the emotional equivalent of a slap in the face. It’s saying you’re so wrapped up in your own world that someone else’s feelings don’t even register on your radar. It’s harsh, selfish, and screams low emotional intelligence. Relationships are a two-way street, and this shows you’re not willing to drive down their lane.
3. “You’re too sensitive.”
Blaming other people for feeling hurt by your actions is a classic deflection tactic. It’s not about them being too sensitive; it’s about you not being sensitive enough. Everyone has different thresholds, and part of being emotionally intelligent is recognizing and respecting that. Telling someone they’re too sensitive is just a way of excusing your own insensitive behaviour.
4. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
If this is your go-to line, you’re not interested in a conversation; you’re interested in a monologue. It’s not about understanding each other; it’s about you needing to be right. A discussion involves listening and considering the other person’s perspective, not just bulldozing them with your own.
5. “Just get over it.”
Telling someone to get over their emotions is like telling them to stop breathing. Emotions aren’t a tap you can just turn off. This phrase is dismissive and shows a lack of empathy. It’s not about them getting over it; it’s about you not wanting to deal with it.
6. “It’s not my problem.”
Sure, not everything is your problem, but this attitude is cold. It says you don’t care about anything that doesn’t directly affect you. It’s a lack of compassion and a refusal to lend a hand, even when it’s easy to do so.
7. “I don’t do apologies.”
Refusing to apologize isn’t a badge of honour; it’s a mark of immaturity. It shows you can’t own up to your mistakes and would rather protect your ego than repair a relationship. Apologizing doesn’t make you weak; it makes you accountable.
8. “You always make a big deal out of nothing.”
This is gaslighting 101. You’re invalidating their feelings and experiences. Just because you don’t think it’s a big deal doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal for them. It’s about respecting their perspective, even if you don’t share it.
9. “I got angry; what’s the big deal?”
Losing your cool happens, but shrugging it off like it’s nothing shows a lack of self-control and understanding of its impact on other people. Your anger isn’t just about you; it affects everyone around you. You’re entitled to feel it, but not to take it out on other people.
10. “I say it like it is.”
Hiding behind this phrase is a weak excuse for being rude or insensitive. There’s a difference between being honest and being brutal. You can get your point across without being a bulldozer. It’s about tact and empathy, not just unloading your thoughts without a filter.
11. “Why are you upset? It was just a joke.”
If your “joke” hurt someone, it wasn’t a joke; it was a jab. Passing off your hurtful comments as humour is just a way to deflect responsibility. Humour is supposed to make people laugh, not feel bad about themselves. You don’t get to use “banter” as a catch-all for being a jerk.
12. “You’re overthinking it.”
This one’s a classic way of dismissing someone’s concerns. Just because you don’t see it as a big deal doesn’t mean their worries are invalid. It’s about giving space to their thoughts and feelings, not just shutting them down. Doing a bit more thinking yourself might actually be the best course of action here.
13. “I don’t see why you’re so upset.”
Not understanding why someone’s upset doesn’t mean their feelings are invalid. It means you need to try harder to understand. It’s about empathy and making an effort to see things from their perspective, which shouldn’t be difficult for anyone with any level of EQ.
14. “Stop being so emotional.”
This is like telling someone to stop being human. Emotions are part of who we are. Telling someone to stop being emotional is telling them to suppress their feelings, and that’s unhealthy and unfair. Let people feel their feelings, and maybe try to empathise with them a bit, eh?
15. “I don’t have time for this.”
Everyone’s busy, but saying you don’t have time for someone’s emotions is saying you don’t value them. It’s dismissive and hurtful. If you care about someone, you make the time. Everyone has an extra five minutes for people they claim to care about.
16. “You’re acting crazy.”
Labelling someone’s emotional response as crazy is disrespectful and dismissive. It invalidates their feelings and experiences. It’s a low blow, not a legitimate argument. Maybe try to understand what they’re feeling and why before writing them off entirely.
17. “I don’t care what you think.”
This is the verbal equivalent of slamming a door in someone’s face. It’s rude and shows a total lack of respect for their opinions and feelings. You don’t need to agree, but you can and should show some respect. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still do what feels right to you, but you could at least consider what they have to say.
18. “That’s your problem, not mine.”
Relationships are about sharing the good and the bad. Saying something is their problem and not yours shows a lack of empathy and willingness to support them. It’s selfish and isolating. If you care about someone, then what’s important to them should be important to you. It really is that simple.
